The Blyth 10k

On Saturday night I went to a champagne party.  It was lots of fun and as well as drinking a fair amount of champagne, I also ate a hefty chunk of brie, and it was good brie.

The party hosts said that they were planning to run the Blyth 10k at the end of April.  I ran the Watford 10k in 2008 and whilst I think it's probably going a bit far to suggest that it was enjoyable,  it was certainly satisfying to complete it.  In the process of getting fit enough to make it to the end, I lost something like 2 stone (which I have unfortunately managed to find again) and felt generally healthier and good.

I would like to lose the weight and feel healthy(ish) again, so I decided that I should do this run in Blyth so I booked my place on Sunday morning.

The scary truth is that I weigh 17st 1.5lb (or 108.6kg) which makes a BMI  of 34 (Obese).  It's no wonder I have so little energy.

So the regime is in place, 3 training runs a week (last night's was worse than I hoped but better than I had feared), no more cake, no more double carbs at college (they have a passion for serving pasta with chips - genius!) and we'll see whether I can make this in 10 weeks time...

What have I gotten myself into!! 

The search continues

So, I'm still looking for a title post into which I will be ordained in July.

There are a number of things that make the search quite difficult. In particular is the fact that I am quite shy until I get to know people. This is definitely a problem when interviewing for jobs because (as a million people have pointed out) first impressions are massively important.

I'm currently looking at a post. It was the first post I noticed way back in September and I have a strong feeling that this is where we will end up. There have been a number of people look at it so far and they have all said no. I'm not saying no, but they aren't sure (based on a two hour visit when I was on the way to somewhere else) that I'm the right person for the job.

I'll persevere though. There is a second visit on the cards and I won't say no, I'll keep saying yes and see what happens!!

Happy New Year!

Hurrah! It's 2010. And it's going to be an exciting year. My time at Cranmer ends, hopefully with an ordination and a move to a new challenge. Still no definite job, but something very very exciting on the horizon.

And what a difficult year is also in store. A dissertation(!), a move and a complete re-configuration of life.

As you may have noticed from my last post, I like to be anxious, sometimes to the point of making myself ill. Not very wise behaviour really. But I know that Catherine and I are up to the challenge of 2010. Whatever it throws at us, we know we'll make it through to the other side. Bruised possibly, but we will make it.

And that's why I'm convinced 2010 will be a good year.

Waiting

We're just about to enter Advent, it's about two weeks away. It's a season of watching and waiting. Looking forward to the return of Christ and to the celebration of Christmas. It's not a celebratory season, rather one of trial and testing.

I feel like my Advent period has started already. This is the time when Anglican Ordinands look for their first jobs. We're looking at possible places, sizing up potential vicars and trying to discern the voice of God calling us.

It's hard.

How will we know? What else is available? If I say no to this will I find something else? In fact, I've managed to get myself in such a stew that I've made myself ill from the stress.

One of my favourite bible passages is from Phillipians 4:4-7 'Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all, the Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayers with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your heart and mind in the knowledge and love of God.'

Great words, but at the moment instead of comforting they grate. It seems easy to relax and give it all to God for a few days, but I can't wait longer for movement. And if I sit by and do nothing will I miss something fantastic?

I guess that my time of watching and waiting is unlikely to come to a swift end. Perhaps this time as I endeavour to cling to God, I'll learn to find peace as wait.

I certainly hope so.

Myers-Briggs - tosh or not?

People keep asking (requiring) me to take Myers-Briggs tests.  It's supposed to tell you about your personality and the insights that it gives can be pretty interesting.  In fact, as a method of description it's pretty good and I would have no real problems with it except that the whole basis of the system is, in my (not so humble admittedly) opinion, totally flawed.

If you've not heard of it before, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) asks you a load of questions from which it is possible to establish your preferences on four scales: Extrovert/Introvert, Sensing/iNtuition, Thinking/Feeling and Perceiving/Judging.  The results give you a four letter Type, which has a description that is often quite spookily accurate.

So far, so dull.  What's the problem?  On top of the obvious 'you can't fit everyone in the world into 16 boxes' problem, Myers-Briggs is predicated on the idea that your personality is simply who you are and that every preference is equally valid so it doesn't matter what they are or why they are that way.

For example, I exhibit a lot of behaviours at the P end of the spectrum.  If you're not MBTI literate (lucky you!), that's essentially saying I work at the last minute, I need pressure to motivate me and planning something weeks in advance just doesn't isn't my cup of tea.

Over the years I have paid a price for acting like this.  Work that is squeezed into a very small time is rarely my best.  So when I don't do my best I can blame the failure on the lack of time thus protecting myself from anything too difficult.  My P preference is a defence mechanism.  There are people at the other end of the scale who must be totally in control of everything and have all the details tied down months in advance of anything.  This is also a sign of a damaged person, probably also a fear of failure.  A healthy person probably comes somewhere in the middle, planning stuff properly but totally able to be spontaneous or last  minute when life requires (as it often does).

I genuinely believe that the world will be a better place if I'm a little less broekn and can help others find Jesus and become a little less broken too.  MBTI can help, but it's a starting place not an excuse not to change.

Spring Harvest and Anglicans

A lovely cartoon by Dave Walker hosted by the Church Times

Enjoy!!

Choral Evensong

Last night I had the privilege(?) of leading Choral Evensong in the college chapel.  It was certainly an experience.

Choral Evensong is essentially evening prayer using the text from the Book of Common Prayer (1662).  What makes it choral is that much of the service is sung rather than said.

It has some interesting features which you have to get used to, the 17th century language and some of the responses don't seem to follow particularly.  For example, 

The Lord be with you| And with thy spirit 

seems fair enough, but 

O Lord save the Queen| And mercifully hear us when we call upon thee

makes less sense to me.

In college there is a worship rota.  This is compiled by the Warden and so you don't have any real choice about which services you lead.  So whilst Choral Evensong is not at all my tradition, I had to do it anyway.

There are two approaches to it.  One is to let the choir do all the singing, which makes your 'leading the service' role rather symbolic.  I chose to do the full on singing the responses which is scary when you're looking directly at the choir master all the time.

So, how did it go?  Apart from the tuning fork issues, really rather well.  I did wonder whether I would lose everyone at the start because I couldn't get the fork to ring, so I was standing at the front of chapel, wearing cassock and surplice (which is not optional for this service) repeatedly smacking myself on the back of the head with a tuning fork.  Nice. (and yes, there was sniggering)

But we did get there and we did make it to the end.

What did I learn?  Well, I learned that if you hold a tuning fork too tightly it doesn't ring.  But it also reminded me of some of the brokeness I carry and won't put down.

At college, it is seen to be a brave thing to sing the office, and so most people don't.  I really like singing, I know I can do it and I knew I'd be totally fine.  But I built up a sense of nervousness that was out of proportion with reality and sought lots of ego strokes from others to make myself feel better.

When it went well, I was into full on 'false humilty' mode, to get more strokes and feel good about myself.

At least, in the mixture of emotions and motives, these were certainly more present that I would have liked.

When, O when will I learn to just be secure in all that God has made me?  How often do I see in others that same insecurity about who they are that plagues me so often?

Oh, and I learned that whilst I didn't hate it, if I never had to lead a choral evensong again, I wouldn't be sad.